Morning after

Wow…

wow…

WOW!!

I am still walking around in a euphoric stupor following Kansas University’s victory over North Carolina last night.   So let me recap the key events from Lawrence for Saturday.

8 am til about 4:00 - it was pretty much business as usual, except for a LOT of conversations centered on if we could knock North Carolina out of the tournament or not.   Everybody was trying to decide from which venue they were going to watch the game.   There were people and businesses grilling up free food all over town for lunch, and therefore the party atmosphere kicked off about noon.

4:00 til 6:00 - Most of the bars kicked everybody out at 4:00 and then reopened the doors 30 minutes later, so the patrons were lined up ouside of all the best establishments waiting to try to land a table.   Had to be a great day for Lawrence businesses, since many of the bars/restaurants implemented table minimums where you had to keep spending at least $30/hour to keep your table, so they didn’t have people just parking and watching.

For me specifically, I work for the KU Athletics department so I had to work at Allen Fieldhouse where they were having a free showing of the game on the big screen scoreboard for any fans that wanted to come down and watch the game.  My bosses went into immediate panic mode, because they were only expecting about 2k people to come out to watch the game there, and at 6:00 when I arrived people were lined up for about 2 city blocks around the fieldhouse waiting to get in, and there was a steady stream down the hill from the dorms as masses of students were in route.   A lot of families and students mostly, although it was a good cross section of the population.   The “official” KU count was 7,ooo fans, but I think it was closer to 5,ooo people.

7:00 - 7:45  The fieldhouse was rocking, as everybody learned the rules of engagement.   Anything during pregame that mentioned KU or showed KU players landed thunderous applause and yelling, whereas anything related to North Carolina met with loud boos from the crowd.   Add into this that ANY time (including throughout the game) that Roy Williams was shown on the screen, people would boo the loudest as well as flip the bird at the screen.  (For those of you who don’t follow sports, Roy Williams was our coach for 15 years before he left to go coach at UNC, and nobody has really forgiven him for that to this day.)

7:45 - 10:00:  Game time!!  OMG!! We played the best 10 minutes of college basketball ever, as we stole the ball, blocked shots, and made every shot we took to get off to an incredible 40-12 lead over UNC.   It was just amazing, then we proceeded to let up some on defense and quit going into the post as often, and UNC clawed their way back into it at one point getting within 4 points.   Then finally, we reenergized and kicked it in gear, and slammed the door on UNC’s comeback, ultimately winning 84-66.

10:00 til ???:  PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  People pour out of the fieldhouse, every bar, and every home and start marching towards Mass St (our downtown.)  High fives, hugs, yelling, cheering, and honking every horn they can find.   8 downtown blocks get roped off by the police and becomes one HUGE block party.

Literally, all night long there was honking, fireworks, and other wanton acts of drunken debauchery…  I really love college towns!!   Oh, and btw we have to play Memphis on Monday night for the Championship.   Go Hawks!!!

Final Four, baby!!!

Woot!!! My Jayhawks are in the Final Four, and life is grand!! I really thought they were gonna blow it with a majorly poor offensive night (Mr. Rush, you do want to be drafted this year right??) against a team that could potentially light em up at any point, in Davidson to make it past the Elite Eight. I could hear my heart hammering each second of that last 16 seconds as Curry took the ball up the court, but then oh wonder of wonder’s when the wonderboy waffled and wiffed it. Everybody loves an underdog story, where a no-name player comes out of nowhere to lift his team to greatness, but I mean the guy doesn’t shit golden basketballs the way the announcers were building him up. He has a sweet shot and a killer behind the back dribble, but in the end Kansas’ athleticism won the day, even though their shooting was poor.

So what is it about sports that draws people from across cultural, social, and economic divides to unite them behind a common goal? Where random people can jump up in a bar to high five, hug, and cheer together as each shot is made, or alternatively weep, moan, and gripe about officiating together when they lose? I am sure there is lots of great research that has been done on this issue, that I could link into this post, but I am lazy so go look it up yourself…

I will say that in my opinion SecondLife is severely lacking in recreating any sort of sports scene that brings people together on the same level. From my personal somewhat limited experience, I would say that the surfing competitions and community are the closest recreation to an RL event. There are other sports evolving all the time, but to me they still feel more like early generation video game consoles rather than true sports that you can get behind and cheer for a team. Wrath and Alex highlighted many of the sports available in a previous post, so I won’t rehash them here, but I don’t feel that any of them have anywhere near the pull of RL sports…. let alone the mecca of them all March Madness and the Final Four.

Another option again, is to further leverage the somewhat tentative relationship SL has with CBS already with the CSI sims, and a few other projects to bring more interactive coverage into SL. I have already mentioned the need for sports bars, but imagine what an opportunity is being overlooked in licensed merchandise, behind the scenes footage, or even a virtual recreation point by point of the game or highlights. I looked all over SL and only found one half ways decent Kansas basketball jersey, that is honestly a tad outdated and not very well finished off.

This next game against North Carolina is obviously going to be the marquis game of the tournament, no matter who is playing in the championship. It has all the markings of an incredible experience. Two of the top programs of all time are being matched up, with similar rankings and performance this year. Oh and by the way, Roy was “OUR” coach for 15 years before returning to North Carolina, the second time they asked him to come coach there. They are firing up all the Benedict Williams shirts again. People are still pretty pissed that he left, although I respect his desire to go back home.

But in the end, what is sports all about other than providing the opportunity to hilarious T-shirts… Let me share a few of my fav’s. (also as a side note Missouri, is the absolute most hated rival of KU students. Any group that calls themselves the Antler’s when their mascot is a Tiger is a fairly good indicator of the intelligence level. We just kinda humor them and don’t let on that Tiger’s don’t have antlers, because it is funnier that way.)

And then the one’s that play on the fact that our football coach is REALLY overweight!

Just as a note to all of our Kansas faithful out there: these and many many more shirts are available for you to purchase at Joe College.

Breaking news…

We here at AWNM take our job very seriously, and we are constantly scanning the net for any new breakthroughs or advancements that we feel that we owe our loyal readership in which case we will pass them along right away. Well it just so happens, that during my in depth review of all the analysis and bracketology related to the upcoming March Basketball madness I stumbled across something that I couldn’t help but pass along!!

The new Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit site is up, and wow is it an improvement over last year!!

I still have many hours of in depth coverage to complete prior to being able to fully share the many wonders that a site such as this provides. But I was able to cover a few quick highlights:

1) Marissa Miller is back again, and she is the hottest chick on the planet!!

2) What is a Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit issue anymore without a segment on Bodypainting? I don’t know what it is about covering up the female form in a light coat of latex type paint that is such an extreme turn-on but something is there that makes that even hotter than outright nudity.

3) Not only pictures of Bodypainting, but also an entire video segment… The only thing hotter than a picture of bodypainting is the slight jiggling that occurs as the model moves. Not to mention, it must be really cold in the ocean where they complete these shoots. Just ask Tori Praver.

4) Overall they have added in tons more pictures and video clips. It is almost silly to buy the magazine when you are getting so much more content at ultra high resolution on your 72 inch flatscreen HD monitor in the privacy of your own home. Sure you gotta watch a few more ads this year, but hey you need time to unzip anyways… right?

Alright, so on behalf of all of our loyal readers out there, I will go back to my in depth analysis to see if there are any other uncovered gems I might have missed. I can always fill out my NCAA bracket tomorrow morning.

Stages of Development

Okay class… please open your textbooks to page 123 (because that seems to be the rage these days), and beginning with the fifth sentence we are going to study the evolution of a SL man.

Stage: Fresh off the boat

Characteristics: Default everything. Unattractive to anyone outside of this stage. Socially inept and believe they can friend anyone at any stage of development, and then spend every waking minute with them. Undeveloped sexual organs, but high desire to mate with anything that moves. Uncoordinated movements and flying patterns are erratic at best.

What He Thinks: I’m gonna get laid!!

What We Think: Avoid at all costs, or you will be stalked, IM’ed, and heckled at every turn in the road. Although there is some sort of sick pleasure we derive from watching them fly into walls and buildings like a moth drawn to a flame.

Stage: Freebie Finder

Characteristics: Some individuality begins to come through largely dependent on which part of the grid the subject frequents (ie it is just as likely that he will emerge as a furry, fairy, or dominatrix depending on the freebies within close vicinity). Can often be found walking/flying across the mainland sims on a random quest for adventure. There is some level of grouping that begins to occur at this stage, where you may find groups of two to four hanging together.  Simplistic sexual organs are attached once found in freebie boxes.

What He Thinks: I’m gonna get laid!! I look like da bomb!!

What We Think: This stage is the most often abused, as they tend to be inquisitive by nature and can often be found rummaging through your personal belongings and pose balls. It is quite socially acceptable to orbit, light on fire, electrocute, or just use them for random target practice.

Stage: Advanced Freebie Finder

Characteristics: Subject moves up to freebie inventory given away by somewhat more reputable designers/brands. As the individual begins to learn that the reference to them as “special” is not that complimentary, they feel the need to start to earn some Lindens (to pay for sex if nothing else). This leads to an unfortunate subculture of campers who look for easy ways to land a few lindens here and there. They develop a social network amongst other campers, and start to emerge on the club and gaming scene.

What He Thinks: I’m gonna get laid!! I look like da bomb!! I am cool!!

What We Think: At this stage, we begin to have to double check profiles and have that thirty second review to see if they are an alt of someone we know, or just random noobs. Limited social interaction at this point is acceptable, often pointing out better freebie options, or beginning to explain the inner workings of SL to prepare them for the leap to the next stage.

Stage: First Purchase

Characteristics: Subject makes the plunge and purchases some L’s (although they justify in their head as just this *one* time). This allows for a basic skin purchase, new hair, and some basic clothes. The individual begins to develop a sense of style, and not just be a product of the freebies that he found. He has both experienced friends and noob friends. He discovers blogs and learns what shops he likes to look at. He ditches the freebie ao, and actually seeks one out. He experiments with strip clubs, escort services, and begins looking for something more. A need to have a place of his own, leads the subject to purchase a small apartment or rent a one room loft.

What He Thinks: I’m gonna get laid!! I look like da bomb!! I am cool!! I am going to land me the hot chick that I have my eyes on!!

What We Think: At this point, it is acceptable to be seen in public with the subject outside of large public areas. You might even take one in under your wing and mentor them on how to progress to the next level. There is even some cross dating that happens as more experienced players fall for the personality of the individual, and are willing to overlook a few fashion faux pas (note the long boots showing through the jeans.)

Stage: Finished Goods

Characteristics: Subject realizes that to live the life he wants to lead, he has to set a budget to buy L’s each month. Nesting instincts set in, and he moves up from the one room loft to purchase some land and outfits an entire house. Advanced social networks are in place, and the individual often finds a job such as a DJ or host to supplement the Linden purchases. He experiments in building, scripting, machinima, gaming, and other hobbies to find a niche. He lands the hot chick, and starts several side projects often including a blog.

What He Thinks: I’m getting laid!! I look like da bomb!! I am cool!! I landed the hot chick!! I have to share this success with the world!!

What We Think: This individual is now welcomed to the top of the food chain. He is worthy of our respect, and has full access into our inner circle. The challenge moves from one of learning and developing his skills, to inventing new ways to keep his interest. He has deep lasting friendships that cross over from SL into RL based on people he has met.

Random thoughts

• Why is it that there are two flavors of atomic fireballs even though they are labeled the same? One that is hot, and one that is OMFG my mouth is gonna burn if I don’t throw water on it quickly hot?

• People singing along to music is often irritating, but with the lag of SL and the fact that the words don’t match up with the timing of the music and words you are hearing, it is REALLY irritating… (and no this is not aimed at you babe… :p )

• Why is it that there are no sports bar’s in SL?? I am sure there are some sort of regulations about streaming live video into SL, but how come the networks haven’t jumped on that yet? You can stream ESPN to your phone, why can’t we get it in world? To me this is a big business opportunity to drive traffic to your sim, so please go figure it out, and save me a chair at the bar where everybody knows my name, kkthnx!

• Have you ever noticed that SL has coded into your daily interactions a personal space bubble? Seriously, try to get close to the one you love, and you will see that there is an invisible wall that keeps you apart without the aid of a pose ball to bring you together. I would like to have been at the meeting where they determined the appropriate distance to be what appears to be an equivalent foot of space.

• Yeah, this is actually the kind of shit that goes through my head all day long, so I hope you enjoyed a view into it, thanks and have a great day!

Fun and Games

Hey all, let’s get this party started again… what do you say? hmmmm I have sort of come to terms with it being Are We Not Hawks, until the other two decide to return to much heralded fanfare and adulations… :p

For today’s post, I decided to highlight a few favorite items that I am going to lump under fun and games. There are lots of things to spice up your life with your significant other in SL, and many more arrive each and every day. These are getting some play in our world at the moment, so I thought I would share.

Whipped Cream and Strawberries

This is a fun one, and one of my favorites. It allows you to direct whip cream spray at the following regions: Left Breast, Right Breast, Cleavage, Rear, or Pussy. Then you can add a few strawberries for flavor… :). The animations are great for the spraying on portion, complete with particle effects as the cream goes spraying everywhere. Whether just reenacting your favorite Varsity Blues scene, or spicing up the evening this is a great role play accessory. For those of you uncreative individuals out there, the texting is provided along with the scripting ala xcite! type linguistics, but luckily you can also turn off the text and then improvise your own. This is for sale at Szentasha Fashions.

Prim Clothing Removal Script

I have been a little tongue in cheek about my relationship with xcite! but my grief really lies in the provided text, because they do still have some great products. One of which is a script which can be placed into prim clothing to allow for your partner to remove it upon clicking. The only downside, is that it only applies to prim items, because it will not remove actual clothing layers if they are not prim. The good news is that with the increasing popularity of sculpty prims, more and more clothing items are being done as prims. Basically, it is pretty easy. If your partner clicks the clothing item, you are then prompted to allow it to be removed or not. This can be fun for those, ripping clothes off role plays.

Role Play Builds

So you don’t have the time to build your own role play sets? Well luckily for you Risque has already taken the time to do that for you. You can act out your school, prison, doll house, or various other role play fantasies which are already set up with pose balls. (Not that you can’t expand on this with your own.)

Remember to make the most of this cold weather time for indoor activities… You gotta keep warm somehow or other.

Almost time to start planning…

Wow, so here it is February. The only month that has an entire day dedicated to spending quality time together with your loved one. But now that the Superbowl is over, we have to move on to that “other” holiday. Yeah, you know the one I am talking about. The one that is going to show whether you are a chump or a champ. I have had an ongoing debate with my loved one, that has involved lots of discussion, friend chats, polls, the whole nine yards about whether Valentine’s day is a day to be feared or embraced. [She is still waffling back and forth, but that is one of those female things...]

In my opinion, navigating Valentine’s day for a dude is like trying to navigate a mine field. There is limited upside potential yes (i.e. you might get laid), but a whole lot of downside if you disappoint (i.e. you will never live it down - EVER for the rest of your life within chat/IM/phone range of her). None of the pressure is on the women, because guys aren’t wired to be upset if she forgets to say she loves him on Valentine’s day, or she overlooks the chocolates and flowers. I mean the worst would be mildly annoyed, but you are taking on the entire female population if you overlook the significance of this date for her.

I do have one BIG secret to tell you though. Hawks, leans forward and whispers, “It really doesn’t take much.” Just a little extra effort on your part to do something special and give her an “I love you, Happy Valentine’s Day” is all that it takes. So you don’t have to knock yourself out rebuilding the sim to rain cherry blossoms down from the skies or rent the entire SS Galaxy out to still make an impact. There are literally a million little things you can do, to make her feel special and to score the BJ for the end of the night. If you are totally stumped try reading a prior post I did for the Stew on 101 Ways to Woo.

So anyways boys, it is about time to start thinking about the plan of attack (although I know you still have a few more hours depending on your time zone), so good luck… and happy boinking out there!

Ditch the Glitch

Alright, so this is not a fashion blog, and I am most DEFINITELY not a fashion blogger, but there is one topic and one topic only of which I am an expert - the sexiness of short skirts on the female form. There is something very sensual/sexy/hot/[insert lustful adjective here] about women in short skirts. It is a perfect combination of the curve of her thighs, the sway of the fabric as she walks, the little hint of cheek that sometimes shows when things shift just the right way, the mystique of what lies beneath the skirt, and and and… so many more things!

I am not a perv who is running around SL trying to cam up women’s skirts. Or a Japanese businessmen out paying hundreds of dollars for school girl knickers. In fact, I find up skirt pornography to be boring. But the fact remains that a short skirt on a woman in the flesh is a major turn on [add a glock on her inner thigh, and I am in heaven...]

The problem is that there is an outright assault taking place on the world of short skirts, that we as men must combat at every turn! Someone, somewhere got the wild idea of turning skirts into shorts with ruffles. I didn’t know until just recently that this travesty of justice has a name… the glitch pant. I don’t know it for a fact, but I have to believe in my heart that some nun at some rectory somewhere invented the first ever glitch pant.

It is very possible that our guy readers out there still aren’t sure exactly what a glitch pant is, so I have masterfully photoshopped in a picture to illustrate for you the difference in the three.

Although this pose is exaggerated to clearly show the difference, you can see that glitch pants are best described as shorts with a lamp shade wrapped around for dressing. They completely cover all the requisite “assets” such that you could still complete your church confirmation in them. The boy short option on the other hand allows for the wearer to select sexy underwear options that serve to compliment the hotness quotient of the ensemble, rather than throw a fire hose on it to put out the flames. There is a third option available which is the prim skirt, which relies heavily on the designers abilities to make look either sexy or covering depending on how they put it together. I am just showing it as a third option, since it is available, but literally it could take on any of a multitude of looks.

So of the three there is hands down no comparison, and really only ONE option, which is for our designer friends to stick with the boy short option, which keeps the hotness quotient up and the flexibility out there for the ladies to show us what they got! This concludes our public service announcement, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Art of Giving Good Text

There is power in the written word. It combines the best of the writer’s intent with the reader’s imagination. There is a certain chemistry that arises from providing enough details to make the experience vivid, but yet still leaving enough canvas for the reader to enhance it for her own fantasy. Just like in journalism where they teach you to cover the Who, What, Why, Where, and How to make a good story, there are also methods that can improve your “textual” advances.

You might be thinking that with voice now in SL, texting is outdated or old fashioned. To me, that just means you aren’t doing it right. Voice is a great compliment to texting, and another option to mix it up, but texting will always have a certain power to it if done the right way.

[Warning: These are to be used only under extreme caution. May lead to sexual acts/favors. May lead to boasting amongst your woman's cohorts about your abilities. If used inappropriately or lightly these may result in a swarm of clingers and stalkers following your every move. As with all our advice, please use with care.]

1) Throw away any and all xcite! parts that you rely on to do any “speaking” for you. This is a great way to break in noobs, and they are providing a service for anybody who doesn’t have a keyboard attached to their computer, but otherwise these are pretty damn worthless. Unless you are doing the dishes…

2) Atmosphere matters, but not as much as typos. Honestly, if you are a good texter, then you can be standing in the center of the Welcome Area (as an example of the least atmosphere on SL) and still create an incredible experience through your words. Typos are a real turn off, and in fact can kill the mood altogether. Granted as things progress you might miss a key here or there, but try to stay half-ways literate. Mistyping something like, “I stinking my ginger upp yo bass,” can really kill the moment.

3) Incorporate ALL of the five senses in a descriptive way. This one is a key point. With SL you currently have access to visual and potentially hearing (if you are in voice) as options. When initiating texting you want to be sure to hit on ALL 5. Not just touch which is the one most people probably want to jump right to as they poke, prod, squeeze, and tweak things. Visualization in your mind is key! You have to see yourself at every point, and then describe with your senses what you are experiencing.

I will even list/provide examples of each in case you don’t remember from grade school what the five senses are…

Sight

You look beautiful this evening in that dress. I love the way your hair falls softly off your shoulder. I am mesmerized by the sway of your hips as we dance.

Smell

I breathe in deeply the scent of your hair as I kiss the top of your head. Your perfume intoxicates me.

Taste

I taste your lips and your tongue, as I kiss you deeply. I can taste the salt on your skin as my lips move down your body.

Touch

I lightly caress your skin with my fingertips. I feel the swell of your breasts as I pull you in tight against me. I feel your nipple harden in my mouth.

Sound

I hear you moaning with anticipation and it urges me on faster. I whisper, I love you. I scream your name.

You literally should have a goal of using all 5 senses every time you text until it becomes ingrained automatically into your approach. Another good way to practice is to literally force yourself to move from head to toe before starting any sort of sexual act, and describe in detail every thing you are doing using all 5 senses at every point. It sounds crazy, but she will be BEGGING you by the time you enter her. (I find this to be extremely hot, so it has Hawk’s stamp of approval.)

4) One leader and one follower. By this I mean, that from my experience one of you has to be in charge of that experience. You definitely want heavy participation from both sides, but only one of you needs to be directing the action of where things are heading. Normally the initiator should be the leader. The leader is responsible for directing which way the encounter is going to go (ie location, which position, timing of when to move to the next phase.) The follower is responsible for reacting to every new initiation from the leader, and for providing the appropriate text to remove articles of clothing, or to add detail to the direction the leader is taking. Otherwise you end up with mixed texting coming through, where right at the point of going down on her, she is jumping to the Seamonkey Throwing Coconuts, and you end up with an awkward transition as one of you gives into the other.

The encounter will not always follow this pattern, but I am saying it is the preferred method. Also, there is nothing that says the guy has to always be the leader. I think in a good healthy relationship you will both be taking turns at it.

5) Pacing is critical. I am a big fan of long foreplay, but at some point you have to pay attention to your partner and move on to the next thing. Likewise, you can’t go from typing a sentence every 20 seconds to all of a sudden disappearing for 10 minutes and then come back with your “I’m CUMMMING HARD” comment. Obviously the better you know your partner, the easier it is to understand where they are at in their experience. It depends on what you want out of it. If you are only in it for you, then you will get her to a point and then go do your thing, and come back to clean up afterwards. This may meet your goals, but isn’t gonna keep your woman coming back for more. Doctor studies have shown (insert disclaimer here) that taking a break to text every minute or so will greatly decrease the incidence of carpal tunnel syndrome (yeah they were lady doc’s but shup!) The one thing for sure is that it WILL greatly improve your standing amongst the ladies, if you keep the flow going until you both finish up.

This concludes the primer course, in a future post, I will cover advanced texting techniques…

Sex on Wheels

A man’s set of wheels is like a window into his soul. Is he into muscle cars and good with his hands? Is his style more import tuner that rev’s hard and fast? The crazy thing about SL is that you can script a cube to drive and sound like a Porsche, so the fun is in the prim details that make the car your own. Luckily there is a wide variety of rides to choose from, but for this installment I chose to highlight a couple of my favorites from Raver Designs.  At the end of the day though, did your ride bag the chick?  That is the ultimate measure, watch and you be the judge…